Biting the Hand That Rocks the Cradle

I had been so conflicted about hiring a nanny. 

When I was trying to get pregnant, I vowed that if I was blessed with children, had kids, I would be ubermom.  I would stay at home with them.  During the day, I would make cardboard box rocket ships, sing songs, go for nice long walks so that my tots could see of the ladybugs on the hedges bordering the sidewalks.  During naptime, I'd clean my house until it sparkled, using only organic vinegar.  I'd bake seasonally decorated cupcakes like those on the covers of the magazines at the grocery store checkout, so that post-nap we could enjoy a lovely little snack together.  I'd then cook a lovely dinner with lots of healthy veggies while the children quietly coloured in the kitchen.

What's that old expression about good intentions and the road to hell?

Instead I found myself bone tired and constantly on edge.  Cardboard box rocket ships were the furthest thing in my mind unless they could somehow be built so as to take me away from it all.  It became clear that I needed help, and I needed it right away.

We called a nanny agency and within a day, I was given the names of five women to interview. 

The interview process was upsetting.  Of the five women I met, three had unsettling stories.  One had worked for a well-know tv-chef who would make her stand for 8 hours a day chopping vegetables for her cooking show, in addition to looking after the children and cleaning the house.  One had arranged to live with a family in Canada but could not start immediately as she was pregnant and her baby was overdue.  When she arrived in Canada from the Phillipines two weeks late (immediately after birthing her fourth child), her employers told her that they had hired someone else in her place.  When I asked one woman why she wanted to work for our family, she looked around our house and said "Well, it's clear you are not rich.  Rich people are not very nice." 

It was upsetting.  I had heard of mistreatment of illegal careworkers in Canada.  But I was dealing with a very reputable agency.  Was it just bad luck that so many of them had such terrible initial work experiences or was there something systemic at fault?

In Canada, we have a program whereby caregivers from abroad can come to work here under the Live-In Caregiver program.  The program sounds good in theory but has been subject to a number of abuses over time.  In order to gain a permanent work permit, a caregiver must work 24 months in a three year period. The primary problem with the program is this stipulation:

Involvement in any illegal activity could result in the cancellation of your permission to work in Canada. For example, you cannot work for any employer except the one named on your work permit. You cannot accept employment for any type of work except as a live-in caregiver. You cannot work for a new employer, even for a trial period, until you have a new work permit naming the new employer.    

Apparently, getting a new work permit to work with a new employer can take up to three months.  So while a nanny under this program can change employers if they are being subjected to abuse/exploitation, they can only do so at the risk of not making the 24 month work requirement.  Many choose to stay in a bad work environment rather than risk deportation at the end of the three year period.

And employers seem to know this.  Since my interviews, I've heard stories of nannies being expected to be on duty 24/7, living in unfinished basements, being asked to wash cars, clean garages, and even give massages.  In the Philippines (80% of employees working under this program are from the Philippines), these women were nurses, teachers, engineers.

Why was the situation set up this way?  Why do domestic workers have to live-in?  Why is there the stipulation that so many works hours must be completed for them to stay in Canada?

More importantly, why does this not apply to other groups of foreign workers seeking Canadian work permits, such as construction workers?  Why are the men who build our houses treated better than the women who care for our kids? Is it because housing starts are a measure of our well-being as a nation and, for whatever reason, the act of caregiving is not?   

But even with the systemic flaws, are there really that many rotten people out there?  People only too happy to take advantage of others when given the opportunity to do so?  Are there that many people -- women -- mothers -- who do not realize that but for an accident of birth, they would have been the ones worked to the bone for an unfair wage. 

I re-read Caitlan Flanagan's controversial piece How Serfdom Saved the Woman's Movement looking for answers.  The first time I read her article, it made me angry.  I agreed with the criticism of her decidedly anti-feminist piece.  But I wondered if this time, I might read it with a different mindset. 

I didn't.  It is still the type of devisive, blame-driven piece that I hate to see.  It unfairly points the finger at feminism and its followers for devaluing childcare and its providers, when in fact, it is capitalism and our north american way of life that is to blame -- our belief that anything that does not contribute to the economy in an easily measureable way is not of value.  And if society believes that something is not of value, then it is easier to justify its exploitation -- not even to recognize its exploitation at all. 

It seems that we have become desensitized to the underlying exploitation inherent in most "women's work."  If you are a tired, burned out mama who is desperately trying to catch up on some sleep, get dinner on the table and sort through piles of laundry during your unpaid shift, the request to work "just one more hour", to do "just one more thing", does not seem like exploitive at all.   After all, whether were are at work, or at home or at the kids' school, we are always being asked to add just one more thing to the to do list.  One more project, one more pan of brownies, one more pile of dishes.  I do not think that we even recognize exploitation and simply see the unending requests as a normal, everyday biproduct of our gender. 

The government website says it all:

An important requirement of the program is that employees must live in the employer's home. The Live-in Caregiver Program exists only because there is a shortage of Canadians or permanent residents to fill the need for live-in care work. There is no shortage of Canadians or permanent residents available for caregiving positions where there is no live-in requirement.

Nobody in a position of choice wants to be a live-in caregiver because --well -- a lot of the time it sucks.  It is 24/7.  There are no drop off options so that you can grab lunch.  Or go to the bathroom unaccompanied.   Or go to the dentist.  Or sleep.  So we either do the job out of love (they are our kids) or out of necessity (we come from a poor country).   

Currently the live-in caregiver program is under review.  Hopefully the program will be changed so that domestic workers will not feel as vulnerable and can stand up to the true rotten apples out there in the world.  But I also hope that there are broader changes.  So that the burden of caregiving is eased -- and less open to exploitation.  Because whether you are a nanny or a stay at home mom or a mom on the second shift, you are entitled to fair treatment, fair pay, and time to rest. 

Comments

[Danigirl]

Great post, Jen. I half-expected you to end up with a criticism of the immigration people who can bend the rules for Martha Stewart but not ordinary people. I'm just sayin'.

[Running2Ks]

I can't believe that this kind of treatment is still out there. I also hope that you can reconcile that it is ok to need help--and that you find someone you like.

[Sharon]

WOW...You know I know of people trying to hire a nanny. And I can't imagine anyone using them like this. What is wrong with this world that we have to treat people like Grass on our shoes? It sickens me.

[Jennifer]

You must be getting enough sleep now because wow, what a piece of writing!

Now that you have a nanny, are you still conflicted?

[Jessica]

I live in Texas and here there is no shortage of women looking for housekeeping/nanny work. Some legal, some not. I was lucky enough to find a nanny share with a few of the other mom's in the neighborhood so I get two mornings of sanity/baby free errand running with a nanny that three other women in the neighborhood also share on other days of the week. We keep track of the checks we pay her so we can deal with the tax stuff at the end of the year. But at 2pm when it is time for her to go, she heads out the door and doesn't have to give us a second thought. I too thought I would be the urber mom but with a husband that works 10-15 hrs 7 days a week I realized I really needed the break from my sweet little baby to appreciate him more the rest of the time.

[Linz]

Welcome back Jen - I have missed the political side of you!

All the best.
Linsey